Development in Real Time (a catch-up post)

No pics or videos, just things I’ve meant to say but haven’t remembered on blog day!

Lorelei is having rapid physical development. She’s discovering her body parts. About a month ago she learned to grasp. There were a couple days where I’d put a toy in front of her and just hold it. And she’d stare and stare and 30? Seconds later her hands, from her sides, would both slowly rise toward the toy. It felt like forever. But she was learning that she could control her hands to get what she wanted. Within a couple days the magic discovery experience had become mundane. 

Then about 1.5 weeks ago she discovered her hands in a different way. She’s hold them in front her face and move them around. She looked like a teenager exploring pot and experiencing his first high. Sheer wonder. This week it’s her feet. She just found them all of a sudden. And they’re cool. And they go with her hands and fit in her mouth. What amazes me is that she’s been physically active and using her feet for a long time. She can stand at the pull-up bar unassisted for a couple seconds and use her hands to keep her balance. Her feet do so much for her but that’s not the same as “discovering” them.

With Moriarty it’s been games and puzzles. He’s playing many more games now. That comes with learning how to be frustrated, to continue to try or take a break, and to lose. I learned last month that his school district for kindergarten does testing for the “highly capable” program. They use this test of puzzles (pre-reading) and conversation with an administer. I don’t want to be the mom who assumes her kid will be ridiculously gifted, but I know I was bored until I was in a magnet school. So I thought I’d try some of the puzzles out on Moriarty so he knew what formats to expect. And he was awful at it. He got frustrated quickly and gave up. We were using our giant white board and he’d just erase the puzzle and walk away. So it opened the door to practicing being frustrated and challenges. To taking breaks. To it being OK to need to try again. 

We’ve been reinforcing this in other places. He likes to play Plants vs Zombies (a silly puzzle video game) with me. He’s big enough now to play the simple levels on his own. And he often fails. And yesterday he beat a pretty hard level alone. He’d taken several tries. But he was SO proud!

We’ve also been playing more board games. The best are the ones we can vary the difficulty as he progresses. We had been playing memory (and sometimes he genuinely beats me), Robot Turtles (a programming concepts game), simplified Uno, and easy games like Candy Land. But I refuse to play Candy Land anymore. We introduced him to the full Uno rules, go fish, Blokus (a block puzzle game), Dominoes, and more physical games like Twister and Operation. All of these games were in the house already, we were just waiting for him to be ready developmentally. We have arrived! I tried rummy but it’s too soon. Cribbage also has to wait. This is one of the things both Pip and I were excited for about having kids. And, my long con, is the card games with 4 people. Pinochle, hearts, and spades, oh my. 

The Giggles and the Tears

For your holiday reading pleasure, I offer: Moriarty and Lorelei, the giggles and the tears

We'll start with the giggles. Lorelei is laughing now. Legit giggling. And her favorite thing to giggle at, actually the only thing she giggles at, is Moriarty. He's a ham so this works out perfectly. It's amazing to see them so bonded already. At dinner the other night he got down on the floor where she was in her bouncy chair and he whispered in her ear. He didn't tell us what he was talking to her about, it was just their first shared secret. (pics on the site) At times his need to be near her can be frustrating. He wants to sit beside her at every meal, get dressed beside her, kiss her when she's eating, etc. But we make it work.

She's had a few milestones. She ate her first solid foods. Like Moriarty, we started with ceremonial bacon. Then moved on quickly to baked sweet potato. We've since added plain yogurt to the list. She got a bilateral ear infection and needed antibiotics. We're hoping the yogurt helps her repopulate her gut. Moriarty is learning a lot about gut bacteria from our discussions. But the illness had her sadder than we've seen since she had her first cold at 2 weeks. She was miserable and cried a lot and just needed family snuggles and time in front of the humidifier. Overall, though, she's getting more physically active and capable. She's rolling a lot and starting to scoot. She sounds very grumpy in that video but it's hard to learn new things! She can now scoot over to a toy she wants, more or less.

Halloween was fun for Moriarty. He got to enjoy it with the Roberts cousins. He is a ham.

I had hoped Ginger Snap would become her nickname but nicknames have a mind of their own. She is Lolipop (LO-lee-pop). We sing Lollipop with modified lyrics. Moriarty loves it and requests I sing it most days. He's learning more rhymes and poems so we play the game where we make up verses together. He'll make up the first line, I'll finish it, and vice versa.

Photos are here, password “mal”

Lorelei is Cute. End of Message.

Lorelei is cute. That could be the whole blog post. I miss her all the time we’re apart. It’s still pretty all consuming.

Big snuggles and some drool make Lorelei a cutie pie

Big snuggles and some drool make Lorelei a cutie pie

Big snuggles and some drool make Lorelei a cutie pie

Big snuggles and some drool make Lorelei a cutie pie

Seriously though, I’m at work and feeling analytical, so I will enumerate the ways she is cute. 

1. She started laughing

Like clear baby giggles. She mostly only does it for Moriarty. He’s much funnier than Pip and me. I am only slightly hurt. It’s amazing to see their bond and that outweighs my jealousy. 

2. She’s wiggly and rolly and all over the place

She’s a rolly polly. I can lay her on a blanket and walk across the room. Then when I come back she’s rolled off the blanket, or managed to turn herself 180 deg to face the other way. She’s trying to scoot but is too fat to make much progress. 

3. She’s babbling

There are a lot of “ff” sounds and air bubble blowing. Some “lulu” sounds. Sometimes I just lay on the floor with her and we babble at each other.

Her sleep patterns are marginally better. This weekend she slept the “right” 7 hours. She has frequently slept 6-7 hours a night but it’s from 8 pm to 3 am. No one wants to be up at 3 am. Not Pip, not me, not even Moriarty. But one day she slept from 11:30 to 6 am. It was AMAZING!!!!!!

Some not awesome stuff happened too. She got a cold and got legitimately sick. Her fever spiked to 101 F. She had to go to urgent care. Luckily there were no secondary infections but she did have thrush (overgrowth of yeast) in her mouth and along her neck. That means we had to rub anti-fungal cream on her and wipe inside her cheek with it 4x/day. She learned fast that it was unpleasant and started clamping her mouth shut. Luckily she’s kinda dumb and not very strong so we were able to give her the meds, but I’m excited we’re done with that today.

We started doing movie nights on one weekend evening. We’re mostly showing him our personal favorites but he has opinions too. Ugh. In total, we’ve done this list. He spends a lot of time confused by characters and plot. Not so different from me to be honest. 

• Aladdin

• Lion King - he felt really bad for Simba when Mufassa died

• Little Mermaid

• Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (P: Moriarty, does Veruca seem nice? *pause* M: No. She is not nice.)

• Wizard of Oz - he liked the witch but was confused by plain water would melt her, not special water

• Mary Poppins - he was fascinated by the logistics of being a chimney sweep, and liked the carousel horses

• Lego Movie - he wants to be a master builder, of course

• Looney Looney Bugs Bunny Movie - he cackled at Yosemite Sam being battered by Bugs

Other fun stuff to report. Moriarty and I did a cake carving and decorating class. We made a family of fish. He helped with everything except the airbrushing. He has a little cedar closet near the ceiling of his bedroom. I always intended to build a ladder to it when he was big enough. He’s big enough. We built the ladder! We all planted a daffodil garden to celebrate Grandma Mary. I also dressed Lorelei up in some of her show costumes. OMG. 

In this months’ segment of Shit Moriarty Says, we have:

• Moriarty, upon finishing his first watching of Willy Wonka: "That warmed my heart up."  

• Pip: ...You're a weirdo. It's OK, we're all weirdos. Moriarty: No, I'm a cutie-pants, you two are weirdos.

This month’s latest pics, pass “mal”

House of Brotherly Love

I knew the kids would bond. I hoped the kids would be friends. Moriarty was so excited before she was born, but I’ve heard stories of that changing fast once the baby is stealing the attention. That is not happening. If anything, his obsession is growing. He wants me to feed her wherever he is. He wants to play with her on the floor. He tries to climb in her carseat to snuggle her. He stands on the dining room chairs so he can kiss her on the head when she’s in the bouncy chair on the table. He’s OBSESSED. It can be frustrating when I need to put her to sleep. It can slow us down when we’re trying to leave the house. It makes getting in/out of the car harder. But it also warms my heart. He wants to know when she can sleep in his room. Plans are being made! (not until she can sleep mostly through the night). Moriarty has needed a little more attention. He likes to be near us more and sleep near us. He started this when I was pregnant. So, he’s back on the couch several nights. He can even sleep vertical half on the floor (see pics, pass “mal”).

The kids started school a couple weeks ago. Moriarty started in a new class, with a new teacher, and his old best friend. He’s thrilled and thriving. Lorelei started in the infant class. Within 3 days she had a cold. We expected this but it is still hard. She has a stuffy nose so she can’t breathe. But she’s also doing well in school. She is rarely fussy. She doesn’t nap great, but enough. She is a happy baby, even when she’s away from us. I feel lucky.

There are typical milestone ranges for baby skills. Usually by 3 months, ish, they’re grabbing at things in front of them. Around 4 months front-to-back rolling starts, and closer to 5-6 months it’s back-to-front rolling. Officially, she’ll be 4 months next week. Only in the last couple days has she started grabbing her binkie or a kleenex I have to catch milk drips. Rarely, and it’s new. She’s discovered her hands and loves having them in her mouth! She’s even successfully put herself to sleep without a pacifier, using her hands to self soothe. That was awesome.

Where she’s kicking butt, though, is rolling. This week we started finding her on her stomach in her crib. Today she’s rolled back to front and back multiple times. She is rocking the gross motor skills but is kinda pathetic on fine motor skills. I put a toy lion in front of her this morning when she was on her tummy. She tried to scoot to it and bite it. Her legs are plenty strong but she can't lift her belly. It's adorable. Pip thinks she’ll be on the Olympic weightlifting team. She’ll be thick (not necessarily thicc, but she is a Lafleur).

Moriarty is also practicing rolling, and other gymnastic efforts. He’s taking circus arts class this fall. They’re learning things like tightrope walking, “angel” sticks (devil sticks to the rest of the world), juggling, plate spinning, etc. We had some devil sticks in the house and are playing with him here too. He’s having fun. I’m proud that my son is learning to be in the circus. He also practices slam dancing, though not in any official way. It’s always exciting in our house.

A Rose By Any Other Name

You get three guesses to figure out which family member favors which nickname for Lorelei.

1) Gingersnap (Oh Snap)

2) Lorito (that’s Lorelei Burrito)

3) Baby Poo Poo

Now I’m trying to get Pumpkin Spice Latte to stick as a nickname given I’m the perfect demographic, but it’s too clunky.

All her newfound strength is creating challenges in the sleep department. She’s rolling. Well. Even from her back to her side in a swaddle, so it’s definitely not safe to keep swaddling. But now she flails herself awake. And the drooling is probably a sign she’s teething and that’s miserable. So she’s not sleeping well and therefore we’re all miserable. But it’ll pass. 

I went back to work this week. It’s partly fun but partly frustrating due to mediocre management and general incompetence by everyone except me :-). I really miss her though. It’s hard to be away. It’s wonderful to come home and get to snuggle her and even feed her at 4 am. 

The Moriarty <-> Lorelei bond is even stronger. She breaks out into a huge grin when she sees him. He keeps her company. They play on the floor. It’s amazing to watch. Pip is home with her for the next couple weeks then she starts daycare. 

She’s still not gaining terribly well, but not so poorly it’s scary. It is unusual to be born 90th percentile then drop to 25th and still keep dropping slowly. We’re doing occasional weight checks at the pediatricians and tracking more often at home. But she’s thriving. She’s clearly strong given the rolling and very expressive and happy. 

Activity highlights include U-pick veggies and the Renaissance Fair[e]. The veggie picking was very fun for Moriarty. He didn’t want to eat everything we harvested (no beets! And he’s decided he’s allergic to carrots), but many other things he enjoyed. We went to the Ren Fair[e] with Moriarty’s best friend’s family (the Corvi). They used to be big Faire nerds and had garb and such. The preschoolers both did archery for the first time and went on a fairy hunt. It’s pretty easy to take her out

Top Moriarty quote of the week: 

Pip: Cheating is bad.

M: No, cheating is good because it means you win.

Top Lorelei quote: 

aaahahAAAAAH

Photos here, password “mal”

She's a Girl Person

Lorelei has impressive head/neck strength. She also loves tummy time so it’s not shocking that she is on the early side for her next developmental milestone, rolling over! With the caveat of course that she has to be on uneven ground. Conveniently we have a yard with no flat space. Today during outdoor tummy time she rolled over front-to-back 3 times. She’s so big and strong and smiley. She gets more fun every day. Except for her deep hatred of eating. I don’t think it’s an early sign of an eating disorder, but damn kid. She seems to be very sensitive to gas, wet diapers, and milk temperature while eating. Very sensitive. The first ¼ to ½ of the feeding goes great, then a gas bubble (or 5) get trapped and she begs for the bottle then screams once she starts eating. Not every feeding, but several times a day. We’re considering changing formulas (for the 4th time). Then in addition to the gas she’ll pee 2-3x during the feeding and if the milk gets cold over those 45 min we have to heat it up again to have any luck. After a week of this horror I discovered she loves eating in her bouncy chair. So now my back is torqued but she’s eating. MUAHAHAH.

I’ve been having some thoughts around Lorelei being a girl that surprise me. If you aren’t paying attention, we’re a very gender fluid family. When I was pregnant with Moriarty I thought he’d be a girl, but wasn’t, and I had gender disappointment for about a day then was thrilled we were having a son. We dressed him in a wide spectrum of colors and didn’t keep his gender at the forefront of our thinking. When I was pregnant again I kinda hoped we’d have another boy. I thought we were doing great with Moriarty, but then we found out she’s a girl and I was just as happy. I wasn’t thinking much beyond the baby years yet in terms of her being a girl. Now the kids looked nearly identical at first so I kept seeing him when I looked at her. Which was frustrating. What I realized last month was that when I dress her in pink AKA ”girl” colors, I see her instead of the memory of Moriarty. WHAT IS GOING ON??? This feels like some betrayal of feminism. 

In addition to the clothing color oddness, I’ve realized I’m imagining her growing up much more vividly than I did with Moriarty. I don’t know what being an 8 or 12 year old boy feels like. And though intellectually I know every kid is different and has a unique experience, I see her in her future in ways I just hadn’t before. I wonder if this is just part of missing Mom. Seeing my daughter growing up in my head and singing with me and moving through the world as the best of me without so much baggage weighing her down. But as herself.

Other news, Moriarty spent a few days camping with Papa Kent and Grammy Pammy. And Lorelei is really smiley when she wakes up. See the myriad of pictures.

Smile for the Camera

So, she has started smiling, but not really for the camera. She smiles for me. And Pip and Moriarty. But it’s highly social so if I try to put a camera in the mix she just gets distracted and stops smiling. We got one candid side pic, but more will come with time.

I’m having a very different maternity leave experience. I am still high strung and a bit crazy, but I really struggled being home with Moriarty. I was very emotionally reactive to his needs, and felt trapped and bored. I loved him to pieces and he was quite charming, I felt overwhelmed. I was anxious to go back to work weeks before I did. I was clearly not cut out to be a stay at home mom. I expected I would feel that way again and prepared for it. I’m taking a couple weeks off longer this time but was really worried about how I’d feel. And I feel awesome. Not perfect, but just sitting around holding her while she sleeps is great. Playing on the floor is fun. I don’t miss work, at all really. It’s kinda mind blowing. I was scheduled to have 3 more weeks home and have actually extended to the full 12 week FMLA option. I am a very different person than I was 4 years ago. I’m a better mom. I’m more patient. It’s a stark contrast for me and Pip, in a good way.

I read that to help babies understand day/night (and therefore sleep at night!), it’s helpful to take them into natural light in the mornings. So, every morning, Lorelei and I (and often Moriarty) go take a walk in the yard or sit out on the back porch and look at the trees and listen to the birds. We spend a lot of time on the back porch. In fact, we are as I write. The yard is full of humming birds, bunnies, and now that the apple tree is fruiting, deer. This morning a baby deer come to eat apples on the porch. BABY DEER! We’ve been able to have dinner outside most days and really enjoy the property. A baby red-tailed hawk fell from its nest and was treated by a local wildlife group. The nest is on our property so they did a hawk release on our roof. The next day I saw momma and baby hawk screeching at each other. I call this our Disney Forrest. The kids get to grow up here!

Moriarty is an amazing big brother. When he hears her start to fuss he’ll talk to her in Motherese and say “it’s ok Lo-re-LEI, you’re ok”. He pronounces Lorelei with clear syllabic distinction and emphasis on the last syllable. If she’s fussy in her bouncy chair he’ll come up and bounce it for her. When he had a cold (again) I wouldn’t let him touch or kiss her so now that he’s healthy he is happily washing his hands then holding her little hands and asking to kiss her head a lot. So cute. I’m so excited to watch as their relationship grows.

I could write several blogs of just hysterical stuff Moriarty says, but I’ll stick to two. First, endearing. I sewed him and me matching pants (that I used to only wear as PJs but now don’t care and wear them often) One day I had on mine but he didn’t have on his, and I said darn, we could have been twinsies. His response, “we still are, we have the same nose”. Something about this just warmed my heart. My little piece of myself. The second thing to relay was more... philosophical. The other night I asked him where Pip was. He replied, “I don’t know where he is. He knows where he is.” I hope Uncle Don is proud.

Author’s correction: it was brought to my attention that Pam Johnson (Pip’s mom) did indeed have some red in her hair when she was younger. Gladly, no erroneous accusations of infidelity arose from my error. 

Videos

Dancing

Tummy time

Sleepy

My Little Gingersnap

OMG she’s a ginger. She doesn’t have a ton of hair so it wasn’t obvious at first, but we’ve had a few weeks to stare intently at her and she definitely has red hair! This is a bit of a surprise since no parents/siblings between Pip and I have red hair, but by our powers combined we have created a ginger. Now, there are complications. For starters, it’s well known that gingers have no soul (see South Park). And Tim Minchin has educated the world that only a ginger can call another ginger, ginger. This stipulation has led Pip to argue that we are ginger carriers, so we qualify. Like underground gingers? Regardless, I hope it stays because she’ll grow up to be gorgeous with the blue eyes and red hair.

Lorelei looks less like Moriarty to me now. Not just because of the hair, but the eyes and facial expressions. Now I see myself. What mother wouldn’t want to see a clone of herself in a tiny baby (and with red hair!). I included a couple pics in the gallery for reference. 

For milestones, well, she lays there most of the time. She’s over the cold, YAY. She still sleeps a ton and is very chill. But her eyes are more aware and focused and curious, mostly on faces. Moriarty is also still devoted to her but is struggling to grasp that being 18” from her face is pleasant for her but 3” is not. We had a great long visit from Lisa Francine who spent a ton of time snuggling and feeding her. They’ve become pals. Lisa Francine and Moriarty played trucks, a lot, and puppets and read books and had a grand old time. I got to show the kids off to a larger Lange crowd at a party at John’s where Lorelei slept and Moriarty educated people on truck taxonomy.

A few magic Moriarty moments to share. He and Pip were at Costco a few weeks ago and Moriarty spontaneously said, “I love everyone I know”. He’s so tender. His vocabulary is increasing in exciting ways. He told me one day, “I stepped on a LEGO but it detached from my foot”. Another day it was, “my pockets are hard to see because they’re camouflaged.” He’s also demonstrating his maturity too. I was busy feeding Lorelei the other morning and told Moriarty I couldn’t play then. When I finished, I found him sorting his drawer of art he’s made into keep and throw piles. He’s already better at this than many adults! 

Pictures Here, password “mal”

Ups and downs of weight, temperature, and mood

She was having some trouble gaining weight the first week. At her lowest, she was 11% below birth weight, which concerned the doctors. She looked and acted fine, but they wanted to us to feed her more/better. Pip and I theorize that the ridiculous volume of water I drink may have led to both her and I retaining water, so she had an artificially high birth weight. Regardless, she’s up now and officially fat and fussy. She’s getting more assertive about her needs and dissatisfaction with Pip’s and my ability to meet them in a timely manner.

We’ve started tummy time. Last week Moriarty and I laid down on opposite sides of her in the hopes she’d move her head from one to the other. She didn’t, but it was still fun to have family tummy time. There aren’t a lot of activities for her he can participate in, so this was nice. Today during tummy time she rolled over onto her back! I’m sure it was more luck than skill, but exciting none-the-less. Moriarty still adores her and gets a bit too in her face to show it, but he has only good intentions.

She’s been temporarily hit with the ugly stick, but we still love her. She has baby acne. Her face is all red and bumpy. But it should pass soon. Not as scary as Moriarty’s cradle cap when he looked like he sloughed his entire scalp off. She had a low grade fever a couple days ago (topping at 100.1 F). Not high enough to go the hospital but definitely high enough to piss her off and freak us out. But it went back down and things are back to normal.

Latest Pics

Lorelei Arrives on the Scene

Photos are in The Gallery. (Password is same as it has always been. Don’t hesitate to ask if you need a reminder.)

The blog title has changed. Moriarty is no longer our last hope, there is another. Although so far they seem pretty much identical. He was 8 lb 11 oz, 19.5”. She was declared 8 lb 10 oz (but they rounded down so she was really 8 lb 11 oz). They put her at 19” but the pediatrician this week says 20”. Additionally, their baby pictures look identical to me. Look back and see what you think.

Moriarty is obsessed with her. He was into babies before I was even pregnant and he’s been anxiously awaiting her arrival. Now he looks at her and says “she’s sooooo cute” over and over. This morning he was holding her and I said that’s she’s kinda boring now but will get more interesting soon. He looked up, and in that completely sincere way, said she’s not boring to me. My heart melted. He’s incredible. My life is perfect!

Labor and recovery were a child-size roller-coaster. Surgery was simple and fast. I got her for skin-to-skin quickly and no surprises. I had a big cheeseburger meal about an hour post op. But then my heart rate dropped to the edge of bad. 45 BPM was the line the anesthesiologist was worried about. I spent all day between 44 and 50. We attributed it to anesthesia wearing off. The next day my heart rate was fine but my blood pressure dropped! I spent all of day 2 around 80/50 which didn’t improve when I stood up. I was able to get up and walk that first night but with the blood pressure and heart rate concerns I wasn’t allowed to walk as much as I’d hoped. Then it resolved and I was stable and normal. Shrug. Now my only complaint is really back pain. LOTS of it. I think it’s from the weeks of poor posture and then terrible posture/sleeping since surgery. I think it’ll pass but I have to sit down after 15ish min on my feet and focus a lot on posture.

Back to the baby. She eats, sleeps, poops, and ...that’s about it. She hardly cries, more fusses for a minute until she gets what she wants. She’s a bit more alert today but not by much. At the baby shower people decorated onesies and wrote messages on diapers. Now I get to find surprise messages during the day and think of all the people who love her. It’s pretty awesome. Pam and Kent were here most of the week watching Moriarty while we were in the hospital then just helping out. My aunt Lisa (whom I’m named after) will be here in a few weeks. Lorelei is being appropriately spoiled.

An Ostrich in a Pear Tree

o/ And now, the end is near, and so I face the final curtain o/  Well, not the FINAL final curtain, but this week ends Moriarty’s life as an only child. Overall, he’s doing really well with it. He’s thrilled that Lorelei will be here soon. He likes to rub my belly and lay his head on me so he can “hear her”. But I think there’s definitely some anxiety under the surface. He’s needed to snuggle us more, there’s been more baby talk, and he needs to fall asleep near us. His nightly routine now involves falling asleep on the couch near Pip then being moved to the floor by my bed. He just needed to be near us and we chose to accept rather than fight that given all the change in his life.

He got a huge (15’) trampoline for his belated birthday (thanks Grandpas). Now he jumps most days and plays games he made up that involve throwing balls or doing somersaults. It’s great to have more physical outlets where I can just sit and watch (that was my selfish motivation for choosing this present). It’s been a big hit with Pip and other little people who visit the house.

He has chosen his career path. He felt a strong need to help people, so clearly he has to be a firefighter (still pronounced fiter-fighter) but he is enamored with concrete mixers so he has opted to be a firefighter who drives the concrete mixer truck. He’s less interested in being the guy who pours the concrete. I love how specific he is! Correction. He caught me writing this and I told him what I’d written. He corrected me that now he wants to be a “real” construction worker who just drives the concrete mixer truck.

Two hysterical things happened recently. Firstly, he’s obsessed with Christmas music. It’s what he wants to listen to at breakfast and during bath time, usually. He’s also getting good at memorizing lyrics, but is thwarted by his limited world experience. We were getting dressed for school this week and he burst into song (he gets that from ME!) o/ On the first day of Christmas my true gave to me, an ostrich in a pear tree. o/ I had to shut myself in the bathroom I was laughing so hard. He has seen ostriches in his nature magazines, but has no idea what a partridge is! There are also traits he’s getting from Pip (and me). At dinner every night we talk about his day, and often our days. So, “Moriarty, tell us about your day” is a common conversation starter. He also always has milk at dinner, and we forget to give it to him some nights. This particular evening we asked about his day and he replied with “I will when you bring me some milk” in this deadpan snarky voice. It was surreal to hear Pip’s and my snarky voices come out of him, but also hysterical. Yes, they copy EVERYTHING we do. Overall, though, he’s incredibly sweet and respectful. He’s gotten great at asking questions (with a please) instead of making demands. That’s a boundary I hold very tightly. We’re also making progress on not interrupting people and waiting patiently for our turn. Progress, not perfection.

Fun Videos:

Dringking pickle juice

Baking muffins

Who needs to swallow?

Turtle fear

Cousin sleepover

Really silly puppet show

When I woke up I was 4

For two weeks every day he's asked me "is today my birthday"? We track days on the calendar so several times I've walked him over to show him where we are and how long until his birthday. But still, "is today my birthday"?, "Is today my party?", "When are my friends coming for my party?".

Well now it's official. Moriarty is 4 and I need to stop calling him "the baby" because he's a full blown kid. He wants me to watch his SUPER SPEED when he runs down the hall. And his GECKO STRENGTH when he picks stuff up. And he giggles all the time. I mean, all the time. He thinks farting is the funniest thing ever. Also, the silly noises Pip makes. The texture of his mango, a kitchen dance party, the way he pretends he's a robot cat and only speaks in squeaking sounds. He manages to find the silliness in every aspect of his life (but particularly farts). Sometimes his silliness gets in the way of structured activities like his school concert.

The other highlight has been our Winter Wonderland. Since Seattle typically doesn't get much snow we planned a short vacation after Christmas to Leavenworth, a charming touristy Bavarian town a couple hours East, over a mountain pass. We hoped we could make a snowman, but the conditions weren't right. We did get to feed reindeer, take a sleigh ride pulled by horses, eat lots of yummy food, and play in some snow. However, nature decided Seattle deserved some serious snow this year so we've been basically snowed in for over a week. His school was closed most of last week. We were all home together, a lot. Did I mention we've been stuck in the house with Super Speed and Gecko Strength and More Truck Videos and "will you play with me" while we're trying to work from home? When we both try to work from home at the same time it's hard to give him the attention he expects (and deserves). We end up letting him watch far more TV than usual and his attitude is inversely proportionate to his screen time. So, I might be going a little crazy. I even tried to leave today to regain some sanity but the car spun out and couldn't get out of the driveway...But it sure is pretty outside! Pip and Moriarty successfully made a snowman. We took some tromping walks around the property. There's been some snowball action and the chainsaw chopping of a large branch that fell on a walkway. Next year we'll stock up on salt deicer and a better snow shovel.

I'm a boy

(To the tune of Jingle Bells): “Squirt squirt squirt. Squirt squirt squirt. Put the fire out. Spray the water on the fire and put the fire out.”

This is what I overheard my 3 year old singing to himself from the other room this week. There were more verses! They didn’t usually rhyme, or fit the meter quite right, but this was some impressive on-the-fly rewrite from a tiny kid. His language has leveled up in general. He’s started saying “mommy, I need your attention”. Yesterday we were discussing what he wanted for breakfast (he still pronounces it breastfik). “I want all the things in my breastfik. Except apricots. Do you know what ‘except’ means? It means I don't want the things I don't like. Just the ones I do.” Vocabulary is built over years even when the kid isn’t paying attention so we don’t simplify our language much around him. But I do stop and define words I think are accessible a lot. He seems to have noticed that part!

We took him for his first pho which he seems to enjoy saying more than he enjoyed eating but that’s OK. But the first that made me laugh hardest was the first time he corrected someone who misgendered him. He wears a LOT of pink. Pink boots, often dresses, fluffy pink coat. It’s expected that strangers will get his gender wrong. Some of the parents of his classmates also think he’s a girl. He’s never acknowledged caring or even noticing the misgendering before. I don’t make a big thing of it. We were in the grocery store, just the two of us. I’d told him he could buy this fire truck toy he saw and he was very very excited about it. A lady came down the aisle and he started talking to her about the toys and showing her what was left that she could choose, and how his truck had this feature, and this friend in his class like fire trucks……… you get the picture. He’s 1000X more social than I am. The lady seems to think he’s charming and is talking to him and eventually I try to cut him off so we can move on and let her move on. She closes by telling me what an extroverted young lady I have. I’m smile and say thanks and turn the cart to head off. Moriarty looks over his shoulder and casually says “I’m a boy”. Not even to correct her. He wasn’t upset and he wasn’t talking loudly enough for her to hear. He just seemed to want to clarify. I had to stifle my laughter in the aisle.

Now, I admit I buried the lede. The most exciting news in Moriarty’s life this month is that he’s going to be a big brother. We took a video of telling him (FYI it’s long). He’s been asking for a baby brother or sister for many months. He has told us he wants to watch a baby grow. And wishes he could be a mommy and grow a baby in his belly. He asked for a baby doll for Christmas that laughs, cries, and opens/shuts her eyes. He stops to smile and wave at every baby we see in public. He’s INTO babies. Now he tells everyone that there’s a baby growing in my belly and likes to listen to the fetal doppler with me. It’s a new chapter in our adventure. She’s due at the end of May.

For posterity. Dancing, more dancing, laughing (by some definitions), and using his fire extinguisher.

Not looking good, falling apart

It’s fall in Seattle. Despite some people’s expectations, many trees do change colors. We have a giant maple tree in our front yard that is turning glorious yellows and reds right now. Moriarty came to me concerned the other morning and said I had to come to the kitchen to see. He wanted to show me the leaves turning on the maple. I explained this was normal and this tree would have all its leaves fall off and it would grow new ones in the spring. He just looked out at the tree, shaking his head, and solemnly said “Not looking good. Falling apart”.

He has a special knack for imitating our speech patterns. A few weeks ago we were going to late event and Pip warned Moriarty he wouldn’t have time for a bath when we got home. He told him he didn’t want to have a big fight later when there was no bath. Moriarty replied, “don’t worry. I won’t be like [imitating whiny voice] I want a bath waaa waaa waaaa. [normal voice]. I won’t do that.” That said, some basic words he still can’t say normally. He adds extra syllables to some words so the name Ripley becomes RI-puh-lee, and Duplo becomes DOO-puh-low. That one is hard not to repeat it’s so cute.

Many eventful things have happened in the last month. My close friend got married and I was the officiant. Moriarty was a flower child. He performed very well. In preparation he told us he was going to throw them “reeeeally hard”. He threw some pink petals in the air, some at the guests, and when he got to the end of the aisle dumped the rest out to make sure the bucket was completely empty. At the 3 day weekend wedding event, he also made an instant best friend named Titus, another 3 year old. Within 2 minutes of meeting each other were joined at the hip and spent the entire weekend together.

We also took a trip to Austin to visit the Kramer cousins. Clara and Moriarty hit it off extremely well. She likes to teach, he likes to learn. He’s excited by everything, and she was thrilled to have someone want to play with all her toys with her. He and Arthur also got on well. We ate lots of new exciting foods and discovered Moriarty loves BBQ ribs (as do all sane people).

He’s started in a new class, mixed age 3.5 to 6. Very classic Montessori. He’s thriving though struggles to remember to swap his outdoor shoes for his indoor shoes. Many Montessori tasks carry over into every life, like eating Cheetos with chopsticks. He’s still very helpful around the house. They learn Spanish at school but Moriarty is silly and mostly wants to speak Cat as his second language. He’s still obsessed with fire trucks and fire fighters. He was introduced to video games at the Kramers so Pip pulled out his old Game Cube and we’re teaching Moriarty the basics of classic Mario games.

I'll be back later

He told me last weekend, “Mom, I’m going out to play. I’ll be back later”. I wasn't sure if he could unlock the door, but he assured me he could. Then he went out and played. I came to check on him later and there was a deer eating apples in the yard while Moriarty played trucks in the dirt. His independence grows every week. It’s a tiny bit scary but mostly awesome. He’s been very into making his lunch lately. I’m teaching him to wash fruit and close the tupperwares fully. We’re expecting him to solve more of his own problems and he’s rising to the occasion.

I was getting frustrated about the general level of mess/clutter and challenge getting the house chores done. To combat this as a team, and be good role models for Moriarty, we instituted Family Clean-up Time. For 10-15 min after dinner we all clean something (other than dishes). This has been a great chance to help show Moriarty how to do chores. He’s got his own little broom and dustpan. We bought a handheld vacuum that he can use. And he doesn’t just spread the dirt around. I’m showing him how to sweep properly and he’s learning! When he spills cheerios on the floor he’ll go get the vacuum and clean them up! OMG!

I know many preschoolers are helpful but I’m still insanely proud of his excitement to help. Sometimes it’s a bit hard because he wants to help so desperately sometimes I can’t just get stuff done. I put him to bed a few nights ago and needed to do laundry and take out the trash still. He came out of his room unexpectedly and I hid the trash bag around the corner so he wouldn’t see I was doing chores! One night Pip and I had some surprise he knew was coming up but had forgotten. We had this charming conversation:

M: Is it family clean-up time?
P: No. What's better?
M: Laundry!

Like all mammals he wants to be included in everything. He wants to understand the reason we laugh, he wants to know what Pip and I are discussing, and he definitely wants to see any picture on our phones. Pip was showing me a funny tweet one evening and Moriarty wanted to see. Pip replied, “it’s just words” and showed him the tweet. Moriarty laughed and said “words” as though that was the punchline.

In some ways his language skills are amazing. He told me the other morning, “When I am in the chair in the living room you can join me”. But he’s still not always rock solid on his sentence construction and word usage, which leads to funny results. He’s getting better at she/her and tense agreement, but he still mixes up things like leave vs stay. He pulled this gem out the other night. He was telling us about a girl in his class: “She's not a man. She's not a person. She's a girl person.”

The deer have been coming a lot this summer.  Momma deer and the baby deers. Moriarty has been feeding the deer apples. They're becoming quite comfortable with each other. There is one male, 3 females, and 2 babies.

Here’s some fun videos. We have a microscope and look at bugs and things we find in the yard. This caterpillar was quite alive though. I bought him some new boots that were too big. This is Pip showing him they were too big! We bought a swing and use it nightly. And he’s giggly. All the time! It’s awesome.

He finally said “no”

I mean, he says “no” all the time. It’s one of his favorite words, along with “why”, “kitty”, and “stabilized”. Until now, every time we asked him if he knows what XYZ are/mean, he’d say “yes”. If we probed more he’d say “I don’t know”. Now, I love that he feels comfortable saying “I don’t know”, but this month instead of "yes", he answered “no”. It felt like a huge shift.

We’ve conquered mornings and are working on nights. He has been respecting the OK-to-wake clock and almost every morning he waits until the clock turns green. Holy Crap! After the light is green, he often comes into my closet to hang out while I get dressed. My dresser is cheap and old and the drawers don’t slide well so I leave them a little open. He is in a closing things all the way phase. So he proceeded to close my drawers and inform me, “I'm showing you how to close them all the way. They are open a little bit.”

Bedtime we’re still working on. Since I have had laryngitis all year, Pip has been doing bedtime songs since January. Moriarty likes to get in bed then get out of bed. Cut Pip off. Or say he needs water. Or has to pee. Blah Blah and Pip is setting firmer boundaries. It’s a process and 3 year olds are hard. He's been traveling a lot this month. First he went to the shore to see the Johnsons/Roberts, then flew to Boise for a Johnson reunion. I stayed home. I was ALONE. It took 2 days for me to miss Moriarty, but I do now. T-5 hours.

He definitely marches to his own beat. He still wears his pink dresses to school some days. It was picture day at school and I told him he could wear his favorite outfit. He picked his pumpkin costume from Halloween. :-) The other kids make comments but he doesn't seem to care. He's confident in his self-presentation. We were talking about jobs, and that I go to my job while he’s at school. And I asked him what job he would like to do. He responded, “I want to operate the concrete boom pump on the construction site when I'm big.” I couldn’t make this up. He doesn’t want to be a fiterfighter [sic], he wants to run the concrete boom pump.

Today’s is Mother’s Day. There was a mini-celebration at school and the kids made picture frames for us. Moriarty and I were discussing it and he asked if Pip would come when it was Husband’s Day. A new holiday is born. You’re welcome, Hallmark.

Mommy, pet me. I'm a kitty!

It's spring! To get here from Christmas there was snow, Moriarty's birthday, the emergence of deer in our yard, and the cherry blossoms. 

We got him an alarm clock that turns green when it's OK to get up. So every morning I wake up the sound of little feet then in an enthusiastic but not yelling voice, "MOMMY, THE LIGHT IS GREEN. LET'S HAVE BREKSTIK". He's taken on a lot more autonomy. He goes to the bathroom on his own and just informs us if he's pooped and needs to be wiped. Last month he came in the living room and asserted, "It's ok. I'm just coming to get the stool for the big potty because I am big now.". I sent him into the kitchen to get himself water, not expecting it to actually work. He came back with a glass of water! He's also initiating more. He came up to Pip and I and said "Hey you guys. I have an idea. Let's play with toys!"

He's always been articulate but his vocabulary is growing and surprising us. Pip bought me lillies and Moriarty informed us "It's in a pot because it needs to be stabilized."...um...yeah. Hot-damn kid. With the growing vocabulary is also coming more mature (read snarky) answers. I knew he'd studied plants at school so I asked him did he learn about plants that day? His answer? "No. The other children did. I wasn't listening." This is the first sign of the "threenager" concept I've heard about.

He is learning a lot at school. We have a couple maps on the wall that we use to talk about where people live and land/water, etc. One night during bedtime routine he burst into song about the continents (though geospatial awareness isn't important). He knew all the words and taught us. They have taught him a few cute/cheesy names like 'Mr Golden Sunshine' that are pretty cute on him. But he's connecting concepts more. Last week Pip and I were discussing going to see the blooming cherry trees, but we weren't sure if it would rain. We decided we'd play it by ear. Moriarty comes to wake me up (like usual) and exclaims, "Mr Golden Sunshine is out so we can go to the BERRY BLOSSOMS". We brought a picnic and had a blast. 

The last highlight of the last couple months was his birthday. He wanted fire truck theme again. We had 4 of his school friends over (cousins were sick). The kids decorated cupcakes. Reddit told me this would be disastrous and I was an idiot for trying, but Montessori kids have super focus powers and dexterity. Not a single cupcake was lost. Nothing was thrown or smeared. It was great. I made up a game for Moriarty and his friends called "Put out the fire". I made two large fake fires and we moved them around the yard while sirens started/stopped as they collectively put out the fires. They loved it. 

I'll leave you with this last gem. We went to Denny's for dinner because I needed pancakes, immediately. Moriarty had never been and was asking where we were going. He is so effusive with love right now. Partly because I am really effusive about stuff (read everything). So upon hearing the restaurant was called Denny's he informed us "I love Denny. He's a great man. I love him." OMG. I grew this little person. Oh, and he likes to pretend he's a cat. And 'lick my fur' and rub his face on mine. Oxytocin explosion.

Exposition Inhibition

My life has started being narrated. Well, his life, more specifically. He’ll start explaining the order things will occur and what will happen. It’s like a listed stream of consciousness prose. Not sentences, but clearly a narrative. For example discussing what will happen to his stuffed monkey that day:

You take the monkey to work,
then you bring the monkey back,
then you sleep with the monkey,
then you give me the monkey back

Or telling me how our Saturday morning will go:

It is not a school day,
you will go make your coffee,
then I will go watch truck videos,
then we will eat breastik [sic],
then you will bring your coffee and watch truck videos

Other times the conversations make a lot of sense linguistically, just not logically. The other night at dinner we were eating tacos, but Moriarty likes his tacos deconstructed. So he had a tortilla with beans, beef, tomatoes, and avocado in piles on to

Me: eat your beans and beef
Moriarty: I don't have beef
Me: you have beef here (pointing). Like in hamburgers
Moriarty: (laughing) No. That's not beef, it’s tacos! You were being silly. (More laughing)

There’s never a dull moment. We were driving home from something and he randomly announced, “I don't need to throw up”. Tonight at dinner he dipped a strawberry into catsup and announced, “It matches!”.

For Christmas we flew to Baltimore to see my dad, and Moriarty's various aunts and uncles. Moriarty was really excited about seeing his relatives, but also very inquisitive about the specifics of the air travel. One morning he randomly started asking questions without waiting for responses:

Is it time to get on the plane?
Who will fly the plane?
Will YOU fly the plane?

I told him I was not qualified to fly the plane and the pilots would do that.

Will we sit in the front of the plane with the pilots?

He did get to sit in the cockpit before our flight out there and overall did a great job with the air travel. The airports were stressful for me because, well, he’s nearly 3 and “we have to stay in this artificial hallway rope line right now” doesn’t exactly make sense.

The trip to Baltimore was a ton of fun. He took down my father’s many many LEGO sets and played with them all (sometimes to the point of destruction). If it didn’t start its life as a truck he helped it become one.

We read books every night before bed and recently I added a poem or two to our routine. We got a copy of Where the Sidewalk Ends and Moriarty is so into it now. The first night, after we’d read a poem about a crocodile who goes to the dentist, we asked him if he liked the poetry. He replied “what’s poe the tree?”  This is a way I bring my mom into his life.

You guys, no worries

Last night Moriarty brought external evidence into a discussion. We were reading a book about excavators and discussing the technical names for the parts. We were clarifying an arm vs. a boom (though Pip and I weren’t confident, but were following the book’s terms). Moriarty insisted it was called a boom not an arm. We disagreed and pointed out the book’s claims. He replied with “Well, Blippy says that the excavator has a boom”. Blippy is a youtube personality who does children’s shows, mostly about trucks. Though Moriarty doesn’t watch a lot of TV, he’s confident in Blippy as an authority on trucks. I was just blown away that he disagreed with us and brought evidence to the discussion. He’s also started using our speech patterns. He’ll say “you guys” to get our attention or recently “no worries” when something falls.

The fall season has brought some fun firsts. We did pumpkin carving. He picked the pattern and I did most of the cutting. We also went to a local farm for a fall festival. There was pumpkin throwing (with catapults), farm animals, a vintage tractor & boat, and a hay ride. Moriarty was too anxious about the hay ride so he didn’t do that part. Halloween was spent with his cousins, the Roberts’. He hadn’t really had any candy before this so he didn’t really care about getting a lot of candy. But he was insistent on holding it all in his hands. So he’d walk up to a door, they’d open and offer candy but his hands were already full. Then he’d just look at them as though something else was going to happen. It was really fun.

For the second year in a row we’ve brought him to collect donations for Northwest Harvest, our local food bank. Last year he was mostly in a backpack carrier and functioned as a prime tool of manipulation! This year I tried to prep him with phrases like “Kids need food”, but he mostly ran up and down the sidewalk giggling and standing in front of the motion-activated doors making them open over and over. He did ask Pip to give him some money so he could buy food for the kids with it. So precious. I want to expose him to this stuff even if he doesn’t really get it yet.

The Frozen obsession hasn’t ended. His favorite is “the man song”, which is really the opening song where the men cut the ice. He likes to use his shovel (and anything else handy) to cut the ice while he sings. He isn’t interested in the Disney movies enough to actually watch them all the way through, but that’s OK. He loves the music and we love singing it with him.

Oh, and like all pre-schoolers, sometimes he just makes NO sense.

Trolling: The Early Years

When I pick Moriarty up after school we talk about his day. If I don't ask him, he says "Mommy, talk about my day!". After discussing his favorite part and what he did, we often talk about dinner and the upcoming evening. We were playing the 'What is Daddy making for dinner' game and Moriarty trolled me for the first time. I said things like "Maybe he's making pasta. Or tuna fish". Moriarty said "He's making fish....just kidding, he's making pasta. HAHAHAHA". He's also started saying "just kidding" when we're talking other times, or commentary like "that makes me laugh". He's really leveled up cognitively. 

He's also really leveled up emotionally. At his school they use the phrase "calm your body" when the kids are being tantrumy or out-of-control. They have the kid sit down or go to a comfy spot and calm their bodies until they're ready to rejoin the activity. It's awesome emotional regulation practice. We try to reinforce it at home. A few weeks ago Moriarty was having a very hard time at bedtime. He was very upset, didn't want to follow his routine, so we cut things short, skipped his milk, and headed for bed. One of his stuffed animals was in another room and he went to get it. When he came back he told me "I've calmed my body. I'm ready for my milk now". All on his own. OMG. I couldn't be more proud.

He's also getting more emotionally effusive and expressive. He tells us he loves us more, often without prompting. He offers more hugs and kisses. I came into his room one morning and he was looking at a photograph of Pip and myself from our wedding. (He has many photos of family he enjoys). He looked up at me and said "Mommy, you are my best friend. And Daddy is my best friend". *Cue heart melting* He's just so sweet it's overwhelming. But also so very innocent. I had a nightmare one night and told him the next morning I had a very scary dream, it wasn't real but I was still kinda anxious from it. He asked me "was someone banging on something?" To him banging on things is about as scary as it gets.

The most fun things for me though has been his excitement about music. He sings constantly. He makes up songs. He can sing many many songs all on his own now (and frequently does when we're not around but can hear him).  And he's OBSESSED with his guitar. He uses coins as "picks" and wants to play with it several times a day. We'll come into the great room and find him playing his guitar, wearing sunglasses, and sometimes also naked. (see pictures!) I play my guitar with him sometimes but often he just wants to play alone. We put a nicer ukulele on his Christmas list since the one he has is a toy and won't tune. I want to get him started on really simple chords and strumming because he's so enthusiastic about it. We've been pretty restrictive about TV but introduced him to some Disney recently. Now he sings "Do you want to build a snowman" and "Let it go" all the time. Last month it was Moana. I can't complain. Coolest little kid ever.

Oh, and I'm still a pretty permissive mom.